Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
