Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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