If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
