They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We have started to decorate penises.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
