actually, I'm a sock model
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
