Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
