just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
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His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
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I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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