i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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