I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
