Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
