I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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