i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize