Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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