Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
