hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
