he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
