The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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