there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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