Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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