And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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