Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
