Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
