apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
