Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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