I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just gargled with NyQuil
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
