I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
