I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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