Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I need to sanitize my soul.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
