if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
