I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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