I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
