why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
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he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
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i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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