We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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