I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
