I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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