Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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