She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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