all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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