Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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