omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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