Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
