I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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