I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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