My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
