i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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