apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
