Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
