Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
