K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize