we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
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When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
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I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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