I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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