Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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