don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
