we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
