Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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