yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
