It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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