i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
