Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
nutella sex= disaster
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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