If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have feelings that need drinking.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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