You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
