a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
