She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize