i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
